Well, this summer became the next summer when my wife read online that Southern Living was building and showcasing their "Idea House" in Taylor (near Oxford) on Saturday, June 28. "It's perfect," she said, "we can plan our entire vacation around the Idea House!"
"We can stay next door?" She never answered my question. Instead, she began looking for places in or near Oxford where we could stay--this colonial mansion, that colonial bed & breakfast, all with exorbitant prices and many easily-breakable (by two-year olds) antiques. I scoffed at her suggestions, and before she could utter protest one, I told her about Pat's Place.
"Sounds like a diner." I reassured her that it was definitely not a diner. No, indeed. Pat's Place is an exclusive condominium, available only to those with, ahem, connections. She looked at me for a moment and then asked, "Who do you know with connections?"
"My dear," I replied, "it is I who is connected."
"No, really...who told you about this? Where is this place? What does it look like? How much will it cost?"
"Ahem," I coughed, "Pat's Place is located at the southern end of Oxford, halfway between the campus of the University of Mississippi and the small village of Taylor. Accomodations include two bedrooms, each with plush carpet, a king-sized bed, the finest linens, a television, an iStation, a closet, and a ceiling fan; two full baths; a kitchen; a dining area; a living room with two comfy chairs, a large couch with a hideaway bed, and a giant-sized high definition television with digital cable, a DVD/VCR, a Playstation 2, and a couple of games; and an outside porch. Pat's Place offers the finest in luxuriant living. And the cost, my dear...free!"
"Free?"
"Free," I told her.
"Hey! That must be where Patrick stays when he goes to all those stank Ole Miss games."
"That it is," I said.
"So when did you ask him about this? I just decided today that we were going to Oxford."
"We've got practice tonight," I told her, "and he'll make the offer then. I won't even have to ask."
"A little presumptuous, you think?"
"Yes," I said, "Lunch was delicious today, but that's beside the point."
"What in the cat hair are you talking about?"
"I've got the eclair avoidance. It means I can steer clear of any danger because I know what's going to happen before it happens. It's a French phrase. You should know it. You took French in college, right?"
"Eclair?" she asked.
"I think that part means that my life will be sweet because I can avoid any bad things that might happen because I know they'll happen, " I explained. "Anyway, because of the eclair avoidance that I've got, I know Patrick will tell me that he'll let us stay there for free if we want to. So, we've got nothing to worry about! Better start packing, so we can leave early in the morning. I've got all kinds of places I want to visit on the way there, while we're there, and on the way back."
"What kinds of places?"
"Oh, you know, the usual stuff..." I said.
"Now wait a minute, Andy. We are not stopping at every cemetery along the way just because some black-mascara-wearing meth-head with a flashlight or some stupid yellow-acronymned, black-shirted freak on some message board took a picture of a tombstone and thought they saw some mist or ghost blorb..."
"ORB!" I corrected her, "Ghost ORB! Geesh. No, Penny, we won't stop at every little cemetery along the way...though there is this one little graveyard near Pleasant Ridge Church in Thaxton...."
"Go. To. Practice." she ordered. I obeyed. I went to practice...where Pat offered his condo for us to stay at. Hah! I returned home, planned our intricate itinerary, and awoke the next morning, ready to go to Oxford (and Thaxton, too, heh!).
Tomorrow: Part Two--The Trip Begins!
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