Pigskin Prognostication, Week 2

See that picture above of Sylvester Croom looking at the scoreboard and wondering if it was true that MSU really only scored two points in the game? That was supposed to be me. I asked my wife this evening if she would take a picture of me to put in this post, and she said she would. Then came the Mississppi State/Auburn game. A more frustrating game I cannot remember watching. State's defense played phenomonally well, but their offense...ooh, buddy. State (either Croom, State's o-coordinator, or quarterback Wesley Carroll) were too scared to move the ball past ten yards through the air. Not that they didn't--that they were too frightened to do so. Except once--and that came in State's last offensive play--when Carroll threw an interception. State's receiver was either too weak (spiritually) to fight for the ball, or he was shocked that Carroll actually threw one more than five yards past the line of scrimmage. Either way, the game was over. And my wife and I started fussing at each other...because we didn't have the MSU offense--who'd already worked us into a tither--to fuss at anymore. She called me a bad word and refused to take my picture. That's why Doom's picture is above.

Now that I've got that off my chest....

Panthers 17, Bears 13 - Both teams come off surprising and convincing wins, but the Chicago defense played against a injury-depleted Indinapolis offensive line, whereas Carolina played won against a well-stocked Chargers' team. In a close matchup, I think the Panthers are more battle-tested.

Titans 20, Bengals 10 - Since Vince Young is out, the Titans might just score more than the twenty I'm allotting them here. But they won't--Kerry Collins is starting for Tennessee. Still, the Titans run game and ferocious defense will more than make up for it, and Cincinnatti stinks.

Packers 27, Lions 10 - Against a patchwork Falcons team, the Lions stunk it up seriously, yet still managed to score double-digits. If Charles Woodson wasn't hurt, then Green Bay's D would keep them without a touchdown this week.

Jaguars 17, Bills 14 - The game I'm the most unsure of this week. Jacskonville's offense didn't show up last week, and Buffalo's did--and so did their defense--and so did their special teams. But that was against Seattle. Jacksonville's tougher, and I think they rebound.

Chiefs 17, Raiders 9 - Last week, the Raiders did not look like a professional football organization. It's not just that they got beat; it's the unorganized, poorly played, and poorly coached fundamentals they lacked. I think the Oakland gets better this week, but I think the Chiefs do, too--and the Chiefs are already better, anyway.

Colts 23, Vikings 13 - If Colts' center Jeff Saturday plays, then the Colts should handle the Vikings pretty well, as Peyton's now had a full two-weeks worth of practice (and one game) under his belt this season. If Indianapolis' O-Line is still minus three starters, then my predicted score could easily flip-flop the other way.

Giants 31, Rams 6 - The Giants were solid defensively and offensively last week (especially the run); St. Louis looked undermanned and overwhelmed. They'll look like it again tomorrow.

Redskins 20, Saints 17 - Tomorrow New Orleans will be without two wide receivers (including their go-to guy Colston) and three starting defenders; Washington gets Shawn Springs back at corner. Need I say more? Probably.

49ers 13, Seahawks 10 - Seattle lost another starting receiver last week (their best remaining, too), and the other starting receivers haven't recovered yet. Poor Mike Holmgrem.

Buccaneers 19, Falcons 17 - The Bucs D will be too much for the young Falcons--I think. This one could go the other way just as easily.

Cardinals 14, Dolphins 10 - I don't think the Fins can stop Fitzgerald and Boldin, and they don't have the weapons to counter, either.

Broncos 28, Chargers 20 - The Chargers looked vulnerable last week, and this week they loose Merriman (for the year) and their best offensive lineman. The Broncos--well, they played the Raiders, so it was difficult to discern how good they really were...except for Cutler, who displayed a powerful (and more importantly) accurate arm all night long.

Patriots 17, Jets 10 - I think, that even with Brady out for the year, that Belicheck will have his squad so well-prepared defensively that Joe Willie Namath could quarterback the Jets this week, and the Pats would still win.

Steelers 38, Browns 16 - Last week, the Steelers looked like the best team in football in all aspects of its game. The Browns looked mediocre. They'll look worse tomorrow.

Cowboys 21, Eagles 20 -Toss-up...almost. The Eagles lost Reggie Brown for a week, and the Cowboys lost Terrence Newman. Pac-Man Jones backs up Newman, but I don't know who backs up Brown. Not a good sign for the Eagles. McNabb'll keep 'em close, though.

The 333 Best Pop Songs of the 2000s: #289

#289: "Fat Man" (2001) - Chestnut Station


Happy belated Birthday to my father, Allen, who turned sixty yesterday. A party featuring Class Reunion--his favorite cover band as they play all his favorite sixties soul & beach music songs--was held last night; unfortunately, I did not attend.

In lieu of my attendance, I'd like to proffer this song--by a group of Chicago-based indie solo musicians whose only other effort together was a run-of-the-mill indie record. Producer/session musician Rian Murphy transformed the different solo stars (stars here is a very relative term) into a dynamic soul outfit, and the result produced the most fun cover record of this decade. The album's highlight was a cover of Don Covay's "Fat Man," (which is not to be confused with Fats Domino's "The Fat Man") the Station's version livelier, looser, and faster (and I think better) than the original.

I'm sure Class Reunion didn't play this song (though I'm sure they would've sounded great on it if they did), so, Dad, here's one to grow on.

Happy Birthday!

The 333 Best Pop Songs of the 2000s: #290

#290: "4th of July" (2005) - Shooter Jennings

On the anniversary of the worst attack on our nation's soil since 1941, I choose to honor the victims by glorifying America's freedom, and I can't think of a more appropriate song (released this decade) than this one, a tribute to the three qualities that make America the greatest country in the world: cars, women, and Bruce Springsteen.

Of course, Jennings never mentions or alludes to the Boss; in fact, the only musicians honored in the song are Ted Nugent and George Jones. The irony of those references seem to escape Jennings. He sees himself as a rebel. He despises Music Row (can't say I blame him, either), and longingly aches for the good old days when radio would play George Jones and Merle Haggard and Willie Nelson and Waylong Jennings--his father. Jennings chants this outlaw country mantra so often that he comes across less like his pops than more like another country music offspring--Hank Williams, Jr.

Jennings Jr.'s message is ironic because the real music he espouses to isn't outlaw country--or any country, for that matter--but rock and roll--and it's not his own, original brand of rock and roll, either. It's Bruce Springsteen's. "4th of July" is the quintessence of Shooter's brand of country, and it cops not only Springsteen's sound, but also Springsteen's Born to Run and Born in the U.S.A. themes, the lyrics a mash of "Thunder Road" and "Born to Run" and "Darlington County." It's as derivative and unoriginal as they come, and it's fantastic. It's better fake-Springsteen than John Cafferty & the Beaver Brown Band.

It starts with that great twelve-string, Byrds-like guitar chiming, and then it drives straight through, tossing out images of sunny and dusty life on the highway, lauging and singing with a honey who ran away from home in the middle of the night just to escape her boring life, yearning for the freedom of life on the road, for independence from life's responsibilities, eager to get out and see America and all it's glory--in an RV. Leaving home to go straight to another one. I doubt if Jennings knew all the implications of making his vehicle a motor home, but that's fitting I think. It's naive. The entire song is naive. The entire concept of this record is naive, but it's got the music to match its conceits. And that's beautiful. It's romantic. It's optimistic. It's American rock and roll. It's stupid. And it's wonderful. And it's inspiring.

Happy 4th of July everyone. Enjoy your independence.

The 333 Best Pop Songs of the 2000s: #291

#291: "Travelin' Soldier" (2002) - Dixie Chicks

"Just so you know, we're ashamed the president of the United States is from Texas."

Old quotes are not forgotten away down south of the Mason-Dixon line, as Natalie Maines knows. In 2003, she uttered the aforementioned quote at a concert in London. The Chicks were touring to promote their third major-label album Home, the most bluegrass and country-sounding album of theirs to date. The Texas ladies' (Maguire and Robinson are sisters, and Maines joined after her father--a Nashville session guitarist--gave the sisters a copy of Maines' audition tape for Berklee--where she was accepted, first by Berklee, then by the Dixie Chicks) commercial breakthrough came in 1998 with the release of their major-album debut Wide Open Spaces (and the terrific titular song), but they achieved stardom the next year with their second (and better) album Fly, which debuted atop the Billboard (pop!) album charts at #1, spawning eight hit singles, including "Goodbye Earl" and "Sin Wagon," the Chicks' first bouts with controversy.

"Goodbye Earl" caught criticism over it's gleeful (and at times downright giddy) portrayal of a pre-meditated murderer--a scorned woman delightfully does her away with her no-good old man. "Sin Wagon," however, got the girls (not just the song, not just the album, but the band's entire oeuvre) banned from several country radio stations because it included the euphemism "mattress dancing." Good thing Loretta Lynn, Tammy Wynette, and Dolly Parton, (not to mention Conway Twitty and Willie Nelson and Bocephus) never included any sexual innuendo in their records.

A couple of months after Gaine made the comment criticizing the President, she received a death threat planning her murder in detail if she didn't just "shut up and sing." Dixie Chicks' records were burned by the thousands, and the group was completely dropped by all major (ComCast) country music radio stations in the South. Consequently, their touring audience was decimated, major television networks refused to air commercials advertising them, they were condemned by virtually ever contemporary major label country artist, their subsequent album received little to no airplay, and it went on to garner seven Grammys nominations--and won each one. Rejected by the industry and the people and the artists they loved and admired, they were accepted by the liberal Hollywood artists and bigwigs who otherwise despise country music and its fans.

Maines would go on to apologize to President Bush and then recant her apology three years later. She lambasted Toby Keith's song "Courtesy of the Red, White, and Blue," and later agreed to tour with him to promote environmental awareness. Later still, Maines would wonder aloud what was special about patriotism anyway, despite the fact that they were one of the groups that performed in that benefit telethon that followed the 9/11 attacks.

What does all this have to do with the "Travelin' Soldier" song though? Depends on your perspective. One could see it as a subtle anti-war song or as a true-blue patriotic song, or one could just appreciate the song on its own merits: Maines's powerful-yet-tender Loretta-Lynn-without-the-Kentucky-hiccup vocal delivery; Emily Maguire's playing that brings forth a glorious mournful (even bagpipe-like) bluegrass fugue from her fiddle; and the old-fashioned story that's fashioned out of old Dolly Parton and Carter Family ballads (in the denotative sense of that word), not afraid of using the sublime music and vocals to wreak pathos out of a well-worn story with cornpone lyrics--that ring as true now as they did back in 2001, 1990, 1968 (the song's set during the Vietnam War), 1954, and 1944 (& etc...) because war and death never go out of style. Like Maines, they refuse to shut up and sing.

5th Down

Oh, noes! Not again! When Tom Brady went down in the first quarter Sunday and was led to the locker room, I knew I was doomed. They showed the replay, and the hit looked nasty. His knee was toast. My #1 pick--the first pick overall--done for the year in the first quarter of the first game of the year. In my fifteen years of playing fantasy football, this year was the only one in which I'd had the first pick overall; and he's gone.

The last time I had a pick anywhere near the top was back in 1999. I had the third pick, and I chose Vinny Testaverde, quarterback (then) for the Bill Parcells-coached New York Jets. The year before, Vinny posted the highest number of yards and touchdowns of any quarterback in the league, and the Jets made the playoffs for the first time in over a decade. The subsequent off-season was good for them, too, and many sportswriters predicted a Super Bowl season for them in '99; so, I was very confident with my pick. Know what happened? Second quarter of the first game, Testaverde injures his knee, and he's gone for the year...and so was my fantasy football team.

I hope that year for me doesn't completely foreshadow this one, but the first week's results don't look too promising. I won my first match, but only because my opponent always drafts terribly and performs poorly durng the first two or three weeks of the season. My score: 115.55. The lowest score--winning or losing--from all the other matches: 115.90. Thank goodness we rank according to head-to-head matches, not on total number of points, for if we ranked according to the latter method, then I'd be next to last this week. Oy vey.

How'd I do with my picks? Let's see (my original predictions in italics):

1. Giants 24, Redskins 13 - 'Skins offense too anemic, and the returning champs roll - Win. I wasn't too far off: the actual score: Giants 16, Redskins 7.

2. Lions 23, Falcons 10 - If Atlanta played a legitimate team, this game would be a blowout - Loss. I--and about every sportswriter out there--completely blew this pick. The Falcons looked great--especially the running game--and the Lions looked worse than last year. Actual score: Falcons 34, Lions 21.

3. Bengals 20, Ravens 13 - Flacco will be flaccid for Baltimore, but their D will score - Loss. Flacco controlled the game, and the Bengals haven't played this poorly since before Carson Palmer came aboard. Actual score: Ravens 17, Bengals 10.

4. Seahawks 24, Bills 13 - Buffalo's QB Edwards has no protection from Seattle's defense - Loss. Another team with high expectations--Seattle--stunk it up, though their lack of healthy receivers could be blamed for part of the poor play, but where was their D? Buffalo (and their special teams) played better here than in any full game they played the last three years. Actual score: Bills 34, Seahawks 10.

5. Jets 27, Miami 17 - As improved as Miami is, they're too Farve behind to keep it close - Win. The game was closer than I thought it would be. Farve's play-action td pass to Cotchery was a thing of beauty. Actual score: Jets 20, Dolphins 14.

6. Patiots 34, Chiefs 9 - Brady's bad ankle? A figment of Kansas City's imagination - Win. Yeah, the bad ankle was a figment, but that knee...AARRGH! Actual score: Patriots 17, Chiefs 10.

7. Saints 24, Bucs 20 - Tampa's D will score, but Brees & co. have too much offense to contain - Win. Nailed this one to the wall. To. The. Wall. Actual score: Saints, 24, Bucs 20.

8. Eagles 31, Rams 10 - McNabb is renewed, and Philly's defense is, too. Win. Not too far off on this one, but I gave the Rams too much credit. Where was Torry Holt? Rams' coach Linehan's days are numbered. Actual score: Eagles 38, Rams 3.

9. Steelers 23, Texans 13 - If Houston could just put an O-line together.... Win. And if Houston could put a run defense together, then...they still would have lost. Actual score: Steelers 38, Texans 17.

10. Jaguars 20, Titans 16 - Tennessee's defense is fierce, but so is Vince Young's ineptitude Loss. The Jags' offensive ineptitude more than made up for Young's. Actual score: Titans 17, Jaguars 10.

11. Cowboys 31, Browns 21 - Cleveland's corners are too green to sTOp TO - Win. Dallas' D played better than expected, too. Actual score: Cowboys 28, Browns 10.

12. Chargers 20, Carolina 17 - If Steve Smith weren't suspended, this might go the other way - Loss. This did go the other way when Panthers QB Jake Delhomme threw the game winning touchdown pass to a backup tight end in the back of the end zone with no time left on the clock. That play--and the drive that started it--was the most exciting moment of the first week. Actual score: Panthers 26, Chargers 24.

13. Cardinals 24, 49ers 13 - S.F. will turn the ball over too much because of Marts's schemes - Win. Dang near nailed this one, too. Actual score: Cardinals 23, 49ers 13.

14. Colts 31, Bears 8 - Kyle Orton? Matt Forte? Against last year's #1 defense? Please. Loss. Uh...I guess so. Seriously, no one but the Bears predicted the outcome of this one correctly. Peyton looked panicky, and it made me sick. Where was the running game? Actual score: Bears 29, Colts 13.

15. Packers 17, Vikings 14 - Packers' O-line is much better than the Vikes' O-line - Win. I was wrong: the Packers' offensive line is not much better than the Vikings'; in fact, the Vikings' offensive line played really well. Their quarterback, however, did not. Actual score: Packers 24, Vikings 19.

16. Broncos 21, Raiders 3 - Shanahan can't decide on a running back, but it's the Raiders! - Win. Foolish me: never underestimate how much Shanahan hates Al Davis (and I was right about his running-back-by-committee-approach). Actual score: Broncos 41, Raiders 14.

What was my actual score? Ten wins and six losses. For the opening weekend, that's pretty good. If I can keep up that ratio, then I'll make it to the playoffs!

...but not in fantasy football, though. Ugh.

The 333 Best Pop Songs of the 2000s: #292

#292: "Boyz" (2007) - M.I.A.

My parents taught me to be nice, polite, honest, dependable, respectful, God-fearing, and law-abiding; and for most of my life (or at least the first half of it), I was--to the utmost. Down that path lay the road to manhood, where I would be rich and successful, with all kinds of women wanting to marry me, the envy of my peers. Well, let's see where we are now: few women ever showed any interest in me (though my wife did--thanks, honey!), I'm a teacher making teacher money (about as far from rich as one can become if one gains joins the workforce in the same field in which one holds a college degree), and my peers--of the three guys in my high-school graduating class to whom I was closest: one has a Ph.D. in polymer chemistry, one is doctor of psychiatrity, and the other is an M.D. You know the saying about nice guys?
They end up dropping out of a promising college career, taking a job as a teacher, and then marrying the girl of their dreams! Not all nice guys have that Hardy luck, (heh...almost said Luke) though, as most are (I know because I...was there!) not assertive or aggressive or confident enough (at least in high school) to be able to attract the right kind of attention. Girls--and most Republican voters--tend to go for the rougher-hewn males, those that use wreckless abandon, smug self-righteousness, and a willing disregard for others to make up for what they lack in intelligence and kindness. The will to power (especially when enhanced by stupidity and ineptness) is attractive. Maya Arulpragasam (M.I.A.) knows this, as the debut song on her phenomenal sophomore album Kala (named after her mother; her first album was named after her father) is a paean to immature masculinity.

The London-born/Sri Lanka-bred rapper gushes about those crazy guys, those that'll drink a case of beer, shoot tequila, get in fights, pass out drunk, ride their motorcyles down dirty old roads, become national leaders, and then start wars. They're so dangerous; they're so compelling; they're so dirty and gritty; they're so murderous and uncaring; they're so powerful. They're so attractive. Power is, of course, the ultimate aphrodisiac, and when that power is tempered by neanderthalithic behavior and backwoods thinking, then that's an aphrodisiac powerful enough to attract a nation of followers. If every bloodthirsty manchild national leader out there had M.I.A.'s production crew (that weave Indian ururmee drums, Carnivale horns, and hip-hop mixing in staccato 6/8 time), then I'd think we'd all be in trouble, 'cause the boyz would whup us into submission without us caring, just as long as we could dance to the music. M.I.A.'s music here is so hot, that she just might could get it done herself while all the warlords talk about how big their missiles are. Face it, boyz: she's hit the jackpot.

The 333 Best Pop Songs of the 2000s: #293

#293: "Like Red on a Rose" (2007) - Alan Jackson


Pretty simple, this one is. Lyrically, there’s not much depth (unless you’re a high-school English teacher wanting to use this song as an example for a lesson on identifying similes), as Jackson uses trite comparisons to tell his woman how much he loves her. Musically, the song’s structured around the typical, country/soul format: two verses, chorus, verse, chorus, guitar solo, chorus, fade. The song’s engineer and producer, though, should be applauded for the starkness they create in the arrangement of the various instruments. At different times throughout the song, a different instrument (acoustic guitar, electric guitar, drums, piano, organ—and the producer should be commended for getting the sweet, melancholy sound he gets from that organ) is spotlighted, giving the song a minor-key, late-night soul; the moments of spare emptiness (to be quickly filled, and as quickly emptied again) leaving us momentarily not just lonely but alone, facing the void with no one to hold our hand, no one to comfort us—until the chorus comes, where all the instruments come back in to give us a big ol’ hug, and the clichéd lyrics—with the help of the production, the arrangement, the instrumentation, and Jackson’s voice—suddenly don’t seem so trite anymore.

And although the production and engineering of this song is as expert, imaginative, and artistic as in any record on this list, this record wouldn’t work as successfully as it does without Jackson’s voice. Of those recording artists still producing hit songs, Alan Jackson has been mainstream country music’s finest vocalist of the past twenty years. He debuted at the tail end of Nashville’s neo-traditionalist movement (yeah, go ahead and explain the “neo-traditionalist” oxymoron to me; I’d like to hear it), with other artists such as Randy Travis, Clint Black, Garth Brooks, and Trisha Yearwood. Travis had the great, deep, reverberating baritone, but his good records have been few between the past ten years. Clint Black was by far the best lyricist of the group (and as good as any lyricist in any subgenre of popular music) for his first three records, but then his imagination seemed to have run dry, as well now as his career. Brooks was, of course, the unlikely superstar; he wasn’t the lyricist Black was, he didn’t have a voice anywhere near as good as Travis’s, and he weighed as much as the two together, but he was the only one from the group that was able to cross over to the pop music market and score high-charting records there as well. Yearwood had perhaps the most expressive voice of them all, and she—or someone from her production/management team—was expert in song selection; sadly, Music Row is a man’s market (don’t believe me? How bout this for evidence: 2006 was the first year in twenty in which a woman had the number one single of the year), and Yearwood’s career didn’t flourish like it should have (though she produced excellent record after excellent record).

And then there was Alan Jackson. His records were always well-written (with Jackson writing or co-writing a good percentage of them), he was always in fine voice, and his career was as stable as any musician’s can be. He—much like George Strait—never jumped on a trend, never changed his style. He stayed the course, having records near the top of the chart one year, the middle of the charts the other, and if an off-year would occur, he’d turn the tour knob up to eleven, using the shotgun effect (which works much more often than it doesn’t, hoping the sheer number of sites he played will excite enough listeners that his next record will contain a few hits) to elongate his career.

And then, came September 11, 2001. Jackson—within the span of just a few days—recorded and released a song to commemorate the event (Jackson’s 9/11 record was the first 9/11 record released, though a bevy of them were released soon after his). That song, “Where Were You,” isn’t on this list, not because I don’t appreciate the intention and sentiment of the song, but because Jackson didn’t take the song to a personal level (and he easily could have); it was too generic to be effective. “Like Red on a Rose,” though, seems to strike something deep in Jackson. I don’t know if it’s the years and the touring, or if it’s just this song, but Jackson’s voice—whose baritone has always been, if not of the clearest quality (that belongs to Randy Travis), then of the deepest soul—has deepened a bit, grown a bit more coarse. It wavers just a bit, too, and it’s those vocal qualities that make this song work the way it does, for we believe Jackson’s sentiments because he’s vulnerable, here (much more so than ever before), but his voice still has the strength we need to hear from someone when we’re out there, alone, facing the void.