Rainy Day Cholecystectomy #9 & 18

...with deepest apologies to Mr. Zimmerman....

Gall bladder, gall bladder
Won't you dance with me
I'm green and sickly, too
Gall bladder, gall bladder
Won't you dance with me
I don't think that I'll miss you
Just like you I'm wondrin'
What they're doin' here.
Just like you I'm wondrin'
What's bein' pulled on.

Gall bladder, gall bladder
Won't you dance with me?
Your time will soon be gone.
I have seen you standing
In my liver's shade
And I know that you've held back my bile
For too many days--a polyp not a stone
Gall bladder, Gall bladder
Won't you dance with me?
These four staples will keep us home.

Pigskin Prognostications,Week 3

Did you hear all the press about that vaunted Georgia Tech defense before the game? You didn't? Neither did I. State scored one touchdown against them...and that was when Tech's subs were in. Remember that great Bulldog D, that limited top ten Auburn to only three points last week? Today, they surrendered over four-hundred yards rushing. Perhaps Croom needs to make his duck-hunting hobby a profession.

Speaking of professions, here are this week's picks:

Falcons 20, Chiefs 9 - Both teams start rookie quarterbacks, but Kansas City's Tyler Thigpen will be getting his first start, while Matt Ryan gets his third--and he's got better run support, too.

Bills 17, Raiders 13 - The Raiders discovered their running game last week (more than two-hundred total yards rushing), but Fargas is out, and McFadden will be playing with turf toe, and Russell has no legitmate receiving threats, and the Bills are pretty good.

Buccaneers 13, Bears 10 - Both teams play sound defense, both teams have quarterbacks that try their best to manage the game (as opposed to winning it), but the Bucs have a two-headed monster of a ground game, while Chicago's Forte is their running game's only, uh, forte. Sorry 'bout that one.

Panthers 24, Vikings 21 - Carolina gets Steve Smith back, and Minnesota starts Gus Frerotte over Tavaris Jackson, and both offenses will benefit, but Delhomme's a much better quarterback here, and that'll make all the difference.

Patriots 10, Dolphins 9 - New England will be without its top two running backs. Miami's top two running backs have yet to total one-hundred yards in a game.

Giants 27, Bengals 10 - This could be a trap game for the defending Super Bowl champs, because they've played so well in all facets of their game, and Cincinnatti has played so poorly.

Titans 20, Texans 13 - Battle of two great defenses and one great running attack.

Cardinals 24, Redskins 17 - I think Arizona upsets the 'skins; Warner and Fitzgerald and Boldin and the Cardinal D are playing their best football right now. Washington will ground it out with Portis and keep it close, though.

Broncos 31, Saints 20 - Jay Cutler will pick New Orleans' secondary apart, and the Saints don't have the running game to slow the game down.

49ers 27, Lions 24 - San Francisco's J.T. O' Sullivan is the surprise of the season, and he'll put up the points...but so will the Lions, via their passing attack. I wouldn't be surprised to see 49er linebacker (and superstar-in-the-making) Patrick Willis make a key play to win the game for S.F.

Seahawks 14, Rams 3 - Though their defense gave up too many points, Seattle looked like a much better team in week two than they did in week one. The same cannot be said of the Rams.

Ravens 13, Browns 10 - If Braylon Edwards doesn't play, then Baltimore will win. If he does, then Cleveland's got a shot.

Colts 20, Jaguars 10 - Jacksonville's offensive line is hurting terribly, and subsequently so is their offense. Last week, Peyton Manning willed a win against a better defense than he'll face this day.

Eagles 24, Steelers 20 - Ben Roethlisberger's shoulder is gimpy; McNabb's is not. That should be the difference in what is sure to be a great ballgame.

Cowboys 24, Packers 20 - Another great match-up, and I'll give this one to Dallas, because--though the Pack will make it close--I don't think Charles Woodson can cover both T.O. and Jason Witten.

Chargers 21, Jets 17 - The Bolts have one of the league's most porous defense's after the first two games, but then again those games were against the mighty Panthers and Broncos. Even wth Farve behind Center, the Jets offense doesn't look quite so imposing.

The 333 Best Pop Songs of the 2000s: #284

#284: "I Idolize You" (2008) - Lizz Wright

Not too long ago, the missus and I watched a show on the best steak served in America (a Mississippi restaurnant--Doe's Place up in Greenville--ranked third). The one common cooking technique all the top restaurants shared was the rate in which they cooked their steaks: slow, to give the steak's natural juices time to simmer down into the meat and enrich the cut.

Gospel/Jazz/Blues vocalist Lizz Wright treats her rendition of the Ike & Tina Turner nugget the same way. Instead of ratcheting up the heat to a quick broil (as Tina did--but to be fair, Wright doesn't sing uptempo soul/rock anywhere near as well as Tina--most don't), she lets the song slow burn, allowing producer Craig Street (Norah Jones, Holmes Brothers, and--most notably because of the similarity in sound--Cassandra Wilson) to train his cooks Glenn Patscha (piano/Hammond B3 organ), Joey Burns (bass), John Covertino (drums, and both of those Chefs work at Calexico on the weekdays), and his Iron Chef (avant-garde guitarist Oren Bloedow) to use their cutlery with the utmost precision while Wright lets her deep, sultry, jazz-tinged voice ooze and drip deeply into the record, coaxing the song's inherent sensuality to the fore and to the fork. Give me a knife and let me slice; I want a bite.

The 333 Best Pop Songs of the 2000s: #285

#285: "Where's Your Head At?" (2001) - Basement Jaxx

Electronic music has been the popular music form that I've had the hardest time trying to appreciate. Ironically so, because as I'm an admirer of musical experimentation and avant-garde (fine) art, and I'm also a DJ--and a drummer--and I love to dance; yet, the one subgenre of pop music that best encapsulates all the aformentioned tastes and traits, I find difficult to admire. I think I know why I'm so loathe to listen to electronica/house/club music: I associate the music's culture too closely with the music.

In my second year of college, I made a close friend (KB) of someone who loved synthpop, Britpop, and electronic music--all styles which I'd hated (from what little I'd heard). Wherever we rode together, she controlled the tape player, and she introduced me to the finer aspects of the Smiths, Depeche Mode, the Cure, New Order, and other artists who played a more fey type of pop. It took me till the end of that school year before I started to like most of the music she played, but by that time, I transferred to a different college, and KB stayed put.

Over the next two years, we stayed in touch, but distance caused us to talk less and less, and the next thing I know, she calls me late one night to come visit her at a house she and her new friend (G) had been renting in Meridian for a couple of months. The house--and I know I'm not a one to talk--was filthy: dishes stacked in a corner; clothes (including underwear) thrown in another; a dozen ash trays placed in convenient locations around the den, dining room, and kitchen; pillows substituting for furniture; and in the dining room, a six-foot picnic table with expensive DJ equipment, racks of records to the sides, and a black light hanging overhead. All-instrumental techno music was blasting.

She was very glad to see me, all smiles and hugs (I should have known something was up right ten); she introduced me to her friend G, and he was all smiles and hugs, too. KB looked as if she had dropped to something under eighty pounds, and her friend G didn't look much heavier. They even sported matching red eyes. She offered me to have some of what she and G were having, but I declined. She, G, and I talked for awhile, as she told me that she was leaving the state next month to go to Chicago to be a model (and she wasn't lying, either; I saw her portfolio), but she wanted to have me over so we could all go out dancing and have one last great time together. She said first she'd have to stop by another friend's house to get something from him first, but she wouldn't be long. I went with her and G, and she was true to her word; she and G went in her friend's house and was back in an instant--if an instant is twenty minutes later. The two then came back ready to dance, but by that time I was ready to go back to Starkville. I feigned several yawns and a headache, and I left. I'm glad I did, as I found out later that KB and G were arrested that night. I never even asked why.

Fast-forward several more years, and I'm back in Meridian, and I've got a girlfriend (LP), and she and KB (who, as far as I'm aware, have never met) have a couple of things in common: a love for electronic dance music, and an even deeper love for its culture. When I first met LP (at a club), she told me--and later swore--that she was getting out of that culture for good. She cried. I believed her. Stupid, huh? Yeah. When we went out, it almost invariably involved a trip to a club where her friends were. She told me that she just didn't feel comfortable in other places for very long, that she quickly grew claustrophobic and paranoid, causing her to have panic attacks and to even hallucinate. This was true. I witnessed a couple of these episodes. They weren't pretty.

Neither was the club scene: college (or, more likely, college-dropout) kids dancing to an insistant and incessant beat for hours on end, only stopping long enough to go to the bathroom, coming out more stoked for action than ever, their bodies refusing to stop moving or shaking, eyes burned and glazed over. I encountered a few folks from my hometown I had not seen in years that immediately--after a brief initial greeting--made me business offers (which I--always politely--declined). After clubbing, sometimes we'd go to her friends' apartments, and they all looked inside almost identical to KB's rental house. One time, I made the mistake of asking one of LP's friends what happened to the furniture. She rubbed her red nose and broke down crying. I felt terrible.

A couple of years later, and I'd had enough--enough of the late-night clubbing, enough of the ratty apartments, enough of her broken-down friends, enough of her flashbacks, enough of her neediness, enough of all the drugs on top of drugs on top of drugs that her friends popped, smoked, swallowed, and injected, enough of the lying and stealing that came with the drugs, and enough of electronica, that damned beat pulling the ecstasy-and-meth-and-speed-and-LSD filled bodies back onto the dance floor of a subculture intent on dooming themselves.

That scene is over ten years old for me, and still--every time I hear electronica/techno/house music--I flashback (not tab triggered) to all that aforementioned imagery, and I just can't shake the ill feeling the music brings. The song here, "Where's Your Head At?" shares the same structure and sound to the songs played at those clubs from a decade ago: uptempo, double-time drum machine beat; spacey keyboard fills, oft-repeated chorus, snippets of this-and-that dumped together, and the dynamic dropping and subsequent raising of the volume about two-thirds of the way in. The music makes me feel uneasy, but the lyrics here....now I'm sure Felix Burton and Simon Ratcliffe weren't commenting about the dangers inherent in the drugged-out, hand-dancing, electronica culture, but, you know...that's what I hear. It's bracing and disturbing.

The 333 Best Pop Songs of the 2000s: #286

#286: "Welfare Bread" (2007) - King Khan & the Shrines

For the longest time, King Khan was known as Blacksnake. Sometimes, he still is. His parents are Indian, he's originally from Montreal, and he was once drummer in a garage rock band called the Spaceships (if you replace the second p with a t) whose other members were named Oily Chi, Stinky B., Skid Marks, and Needles (the band's leader, now going by the name BBQ) and whose on-stage and off-stage behavior and antics were so atrocious that not only would they make Motley Crue look like choir boys, but also they were actually blacklisted from playing any clubs in Montreal. Soon, the band toured Europe (mainly because no one else would have them), and Blacksnake/King Khan liked Germany so much, that he decided to stay there. He's now married and has two children...and his music--and performances (a cheerleader travels and performs wit the band) are as off-the-wall (and quite often offensive) as ever. His current band features Mr. Speedfinger on guitar, Boom Boom Jennes on bass, Ben Ra on sax, Mr. Tom Bone on--you guessed it--trombone, Sam Cook on trumpet, and the great soul drummer Ron Streeter on, uh, drums, and they've been concocting some fantastic (though a bit retro) rock and roll for the past five years, varying from garage/punk to psychedelica to soul to funk to Indian raga to beach pop like the gem "Welfare Bread."

Compressed and muted horns and organs, falsetto background vocals, compassionate (or maybe socialist) lyrics, with a possibe double entendre in the chorus: the song is controlled and less manic than you'd think if you'd read about some of Blacksnake/King Khan's wild stage shows and backstage antics. It's retro, but it's not chic. It's sloppy but cohesive. It's a hippy love-in with soul. Some critic, after praising the album, asked ultimately what was the purpose, since the music is so nostalgiac. The purpose is the song/record itself. Leave your politics and agendas at the door, slip off your shoes, and take a bite off King Khan's welfare bread and drink from his loving cup (but make sure he hasn't urinated in it first).

The 333 Best Pop Songs of the 2000s: #287

#287: "O Katrina" (2007) - The Black Lips

A couple of weeks ago, my wife was browsing her friends' MySpace pages, and ran across one of her (and my) pals--a military man stationed in Biloxi--whose quote next to his profile picture excoriated Gustave, Hannah, and Ike. My wife and I laughed at the ridiculous nature of cursing hurricanes* as if they were people, but we certainly understood the anger. Seems like Atlanta's Black Lips do, too. In "O, Katrina," they've recorded a rarity: a song addressing, questioning, and protesting weather**.

In the past three years, a myriad of artists have recorded songs about the effects of Hurricane Katrina, some blaming the government, and some bemoaning the victims, and I'll list some of those songs in the months to come, but I figure the best place to start would be with a record about the storm itself. In "O, Katrina," the Lips' Jarred Swilley plays a distorted bass riff (echoing the storm's thunder), and then someone turns on a wind machine and lets it run for the remainder of the song. Ten seconds later, the rest of the band comes roaring in, sounding musically and vocally like the Kingsmen, with the drummer standing out two-thirds of the way through as he rolls and stomps until the sound of his trap set melds with the wind machine, roaring like the titular storm itself. The band whips up rock and roll as unrestrained and racous as the hurricane, trying to fight fire with fir...uh...wind and rain with wind and distortion. And for two minutes and fifty-three seconds, they beat the storm back into the Gulf, which is what the best rock and roll so often does.

Notes

*In 1991, I foolishly traveled from Starkville to Meridian in the middle of the night to see a friend--just as the effects of Hurricane Andrew flooded Highway 39, causing my little Sunbird to hydroplane into a deep ditch. Luckily, I had passed a convenience store only about five miles before I wrecked. I climbed out of my car, crawled up the steep embankment, and walked those five miles face first into fifty-plus miles-per-hour winds to reach the convenience store. I called my cousin from the pay phone outside, and he said he'd come get me. I hung up, walked back out to the deserted highway ('cause who'd be stupid enough to drive in weather like that), and screamed as loud as I could, my anger directed at the hurricane. I called it a few choice names that I can't repeat here.

In about twenty minutes, my cousin picked me up. I asked him if he thought we should call someone to pull the car out of the ditch. He just laughed at me. He told me he'd call someone in the morning. He did. We went back out to my car that next morning to discover the exterior halfway submerged in water, the interior filled completely. When the wrecker arrived, he looked at the submarine and asked, "What stupid #%$#@! did that?"

**Actually, there've been numerous records about the weather...just none (that I know of) that curses one storm specifically.

5th Down: Week Two

A fantastic week of football, featuring several low-scoring affairs where every yard and play meant something, to some high-scoring tennis matches, to Denver coach Mike Shannahan going for two to win the game in the boldest in-game coaching decision we're likely to see this year, to the stupidest play we're likely to see in ten. AND...my fantasty football team, despite posting the third-lowest point total of the week, won again! Two and oh. Just win, baby!

Last week, I went 10-6. Let's see how I did this week (my earlier predictions in italics):

Panthers 17, Bears 13 - Win. Carolina's defense and their rookie RB Jonathan Stewart played some tough football against a solid team, and the Bears didn't have the offense to counter. Great game, this one. Actual score: Panthers 20, Bears 17.

Titans 20, Bengals 10 -Win. The Titans scored slightly more than I predicted, and Collins played well. Cincinnatti did not. Actual score: Titans 24, Bengals 7.

Packers 27, Lions 10 - Win. Well, Woodson played, and he helped win the game for the pack, intercepting two and scoring once. The Packers had this one in hand early, but the Lions' receivers--especially Calvin Johnson--brought 'em back to within three, but Kitna made too many early mistakes, and they had to throw the ball too much. Actual score: Packers 48, Lions 25.

Jaguars 17, Bills 14 - Loss. Jacksonville was weaker than I thought; their offensive line couldn't create any running lanes. Actual score: Bills 20, Jaguars 16.

Chiefs 17, Raiders 9 -Loss. Raiders coach Lane Kiffen did a heckuva job this week, as Oakland look well-disciplened, and they ran the ball relentlessly and ran it well (rookie Darren McFadden had 160 yards rushing). Kansas City's in for another dire year. Actual score: Raiders 23, Chiefs 8.

Colts 23, Vikings 13 - Win. Saturday did not play, and the Colts left tackle Ugoh was injured in the first half and did not return. It was an ugly game for Indy, but possibly the best game of the weekend for those that love tough, slug-it-out football. If not for the fact that the Vikings' QB Jackson is as ineffecient as they come, then this would have been a blow-out for the Vikes, as their RB Adrian Peterson ran for 160 yards. . Actual score: Colts 18, Vikings 15

Giants 31, Rams 6 - Win. This week, Eli Manning stepped up his game, and the Giants improved over last week; the Rams didn't. Actual score: Giants 41, Rams 13

Redskins 20, Saints 17 - Win. Redskin receiver Santanna Moss is, right at this moment, still catching the ball and scoring against New Orleans' woeful D. The Saints had too many injuries to key players to pull this one out. Actual score: Redskins 29, Saints 24

49ers 13, Seahawks 10 -Win. Seattle yet again loses another wideout for the year, but they found their running game. Still, Hasselbeck has no one to throw to. Actual score: 49ers 33, Seahawks 30

Buccaneers 19, Falcons 17 - Win. Not just too much D--WAY too much. Matt Brady: welcome to the NFL; hope you survive the experience. Actual score: Buccaneers 24, Falcons 9

Cardinals 14, Dolphins 10 - Win. Fins couldn't stop the Arizona Air Express, as Boldin caught three TDs, and he and Fitz both had over one-hundred yards receiving. The Fins have no offense at all. Actual score: Cardinals 31, Dolphins 10

Broncos 28, Chargers 20 - Win. The best play in the first week of the season and the best play of the second week of the season: both for the win, and both against the Bolts. Cutler's playing better than any QB this season. And he's from Vanderbilt. Actual score: Broncos 39, Chargers 38

Patriots 17, Jets 10 - Win. Pats D stifled, and their O developed a running game. Actual score: Patriots 19, Jets 6

Steelers 38, Browns 16 - Win. In adverse weather conditions, the Browns D stepped up, but their offense let them down. Actual score: Steelers 10, Browns 6

Cowboys 21, Eagles 20 - Win. What happened to the both teams' defenses? It was like watching someone play Madden on Playstation 2 with the level set to "Easy." Eagles' rookie wide receiver DeSean Jackson's spiking the ball up in the air before he crossed the plain into the end zone has to be the most idiotic play I've seen since Leon Lett played...for the Cowboys. Actual score: Cowboys 41, Eagles 37

My record this week: 13-2--four games better than last week!

My record this season: 23-8

The 333 Best Pop Songs of the 2000s: #288

#288: "Pistol Packin' Mama" (2007) - John Prine & Mac Wiseman

Speaking of all-covers records, here's one from the best covers album of the decade: Standard Songs for Average People, the album of old country, bluegrass, and rockabilly songs by John Prine and bluegrass legend Mac Wiseman (who played guitar with Bill Monroe and Flatt & Scruggs). On "Pistol Packin' Mama," the old honky-tonk standard (written and first recorded by Al Dexter back in '42, but later covered by the likes of Bing Crosby & the Andrew Sisters, Gene Vincent, and a slew of C&W artists), Prine and Wiseman infuse the song with life, love, and laughter. It's not a radical re-invention, but this first-time duo (never even met before these sessions) sound like old friends having a ball, laughing at each other over the trouble they used to get into. They treat the song like a lark, and the fun's contagious, bringing out the wit in the lyric. The production is stellar: clean and open, allowing the singers to relax into the melody, pushing their personalities to the forefront, uncluttered by too much unnecessary instrumentation. The high tenor (sounds like Wiseman when he was much younger) singing over Prine on the chorus is a hoot, too. When I first heard the song, I imagined the aged (but not old) Prine and Wiseman drinking beer, cabareting, and dancing with blondes, and women getting jealous over them, and coming home at four in the morning...well, if I'm lucky enough to grow that old and still have that much fun, I'd sing about it with glee, too...whenever my wife wasn't around.

This performance reminds me of a song my aunt Bernice used to sing to me about my grandparents:

Maw loved Paw
Paw loved women
Maw caught Paw with two out a' swimmin'
Here lies Paw....

I was about seven or eight and as naive as they come, and I believed this had happened; well at least the first part. And this is when my grandparents were both in their seventies. No wonder Paw didn't talk much around Maw, I thought. He's still in trouble. That must be why he went to the drugstore all the time to meet his friends, I thought, because he's been kicked out for a while. Now, of course, I know better. He went to the drugstore to tell his friends about this one time, years ago, when he was at a bar, and there was this blonde....

You can listen to it here.